Finding Home
Several years ago I traveled to Bend, Oregon for a weekend tai chi workshop to see a former teacher of mine. I pulled in just a tad late, and slipped in the front door. They were still doing introductions and David, ever the attentive teacher, noticed my late arrival. When they finished going around the room, he looked to me saying "Gregory, you came in late, introduce yourself." At which point I gave a pathetic way, said "Hi, I'm Greg." And the room laughing said "And where are you from?" I paused "Ummm, the west coast."
I have been a seeker most of my life, for home, for family, for community, for meaning. After my life fell apart some years ago this search became for me particularly poignant. I roamed the west coast, Eugene, Portland, San Francisco Bay Area, Escondido, San Diego, Palo Alto, and now Sonoma Co.
When I first became un-moored life was indeed scary. Each place and experience changed me, initially my siblings and parents urged me to come home; but in truth I was even more a stranger to them than I had been in my youth. I grew up on the east side of San Jose, considered a rough neighborhood at the time. I was a home boy but no one knew how to help. Yet it is more than that, I have been told more than a few times that I march to the drum of a different drummer, but no one has ever been able to define for me satisfactorily what they mean by it.
I was suffering from a gravely broken heart. Many beautiful and intelligent women endeavored to console me and help me heal. My apologies to those that tried and waited, some for years. Some healing takes time and ultimately the heart wants what it wants. It turned out for me to be a nice Jewish girl for the upper west side.
The structure I live in matters little, and I have been content in city, country and mountain. I gravitate to a comfortable chair with good light for reading in a quiet part of the house. In the corner my cello gently weeps from lack of playing. Some assume I want a big yard full of trees, after a day of vegetation issues it it the last thing I want to deal with. I leave the garden to Marian and help with the heavy lifting when she asks.
Community is hard, it takes great effort and time. Moving doesn't help. Tending toward being introvert does not help either. Clubs and social organizations helps, particularly dancing.
I seemed to have wandered some here but my point is this. The house we live in can change. Different loving partners will change as a result of our own evolution and theirs. Community will change even if we remain stationary. While sometimes I have been lonely, I am so much happier being a seeker than settled.
I have been a seeker most of my life, for home, for family, for community, for meaning. After my life fell apart some years ago this search became for me particularly poignant. I roamed the west coast, Eugene, Portland, San Francisco Bay Area, Escondido, San Diego, Palo Alto, and now Sonoma Co.
When I first became un-moored life was indeed scary. Each place and experience changed me, initially my siblings and parents urged me to come home; but in truth I was even more a stranger to them than I had been in my youth. I grew up on the east side of San Jose, considered a rough neighborhood at the time. I was a home boy but no one knew how to help. Yet it is more than that, I have been told more than a few times that I march to the drum of a different drummer, but no one has ever been able to define for me satisfactorily what they mean by it.
I was suffering from a gravely broken heart. Many beautiful and intelligent women endeavored to console me and help me heal. My apologies to those that tried and waited, some for years. Some healing takes time and ultimately the heart wants what it wants. It turned out for me to be a nice Jewish girl for the upper west side.
The structure I live in matters little, and I have been content in city, country and mountain. I gravitate to a comfortable chair with good light for reading in a quiet part of the house. In the corner my cello gently weeps from lack of playing. Some assume I want a big yard full of trees, after a day of vegetation issues it it the last thing I want to deal with. I leave the garden to Marian and help with the heavy lifting when she asks.
Community is hard, it takes great effort and time. Moving doesn't help. Tending toward being introvert does not help either. Clubs and social organizations helps, particularly dancing.
I seemed to have wandered some here but my point is this. The house we live in can change. Different loving partners will change as a result of our own evolution and theirs. Community will change even if we remain stationary. While sometimes I have been lonely, I am so much happier being a seeker than settled.
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